Two Steps Back

Well, I was just lifting up some huge plastic storage containers outside of my house and moving them around. I knew I didn't need to lift them -- how heavy were they, anyway? 10, 15, 20 lbs? -- but I was in a hurry and trying to clean something up quickly. Well, that was 45 minutes ago and I am feeling it, buddy. My toe has gone numb. I'm panicking! And to make matters worse, I'm going on a 6 hr flight tomorrow, which panics me even more -- what if I really hurt my back? How will I make it on the flight? How will I make it sleeping in a funky hotel bed?! Then the anger comes in -- how stupid am I?! I know better than to do this. I can't believe I did this to myself, and on the eve of a trip, too!

I am sure I will be OK, but even 10.5 months after my surgery, I freak out over the idea of reherniating my back. Icing it now and taking advil. Fingers crossed.

Progress Report: Week 38

There's been a lot going on these past few weeks, and my back has not been happy about it! I had jury duty, got put on a trial, and that meant a lot of weird chairs and benches. I still can't just sit anywhere (and never on a stool without a back) without pain. Jury duty meant a lot of sitting on wooden benches outside the courtroom down at the L.A. County Courthouse. It was not good for my back. I had burning from my lower back down to my ankle every afternoon. Also downtown, there is a lot of walking, most of it up- (or down-) hill, which probably was both good and bad for my back. So it took me a few days to recover.

Also went to a Dodgers playoff game (good luck tonight boys!) and that meant walking from Sunset up Elysian Park, then up no less than 2,000 flights of stairs to get to the upper seating areas. At least I saved $15 (but more importantly, time -- 15 minutes to walk vs. over an hour sitting in an idling car). And I was taking a photo after the game and stumbled on some warped pavement (anyone who's been there will know what I mean) and fell backwards on my behind, jolting my spine. Ugh, not good. But also not as bad as I thought. It was hard to tell if the pain came from that, jury duty, or the walk. But much better than it would have been had I fallen like this 6 months ago. So it turned out as good as it could, I guess.

So a wee bit of sciatica these days, behind my knee. Some lower back pain. Some advil, though not daily. The entire recovery process is so weird. Here I am, 10 months later, still having problems. That said, a year ago from today I was at home, in bed, barely able to walk and limping like crazy, and on temporary disability from work. What a long way I've come! I have to remind myself this when I get frustrated.

I am still swimming by the way. Not walking much. That will change.

Progress Report: Week 35

Well, things have been harder the past couple of weeks. I think since I have been feeling so good, I think I am well, then do things that remind me that I'm not.

Work has been incredibly stressful, and I think that means more time chained to a desk and not up and walking around. I swear that makes a difference (a bad one).

Also, been swimming. Still only logging in maybe once a week. Not walking as much. I can tell! I am having pain and sciatica.

Swam 1,000 yards last weekend -- about half a mile. I felt great. Then I could feel it the next day. I think that plus the not walking and sitting at a desk pulled a number on me. I have been feeling the crazy weird nerve zaps and quick pains, burning and methodical throbbing again, usually underneath my foot. Felt those a lot when I was first healing. Thought they were gone. Well, like Britney, they're back, bitch. (Or is that "it's Britney, bitch?" Think of it as "It's Your Herniated Disc, Bitch!" then.)

BUT, it is not every day. But it was totally gone and now it's back, sometimes. That is disconcerting.

Then, I did a stupid thing. Someone at work put a "free scanner" in the hallway. This is a several-hundred-dollar professional scanner. I HAD to get it. I did my best using my legs, but after I took it to my cubicle, I knew I'd messed up. Let's just say the ice packs are back in use.

However I am pretty sure that I didn't reherniate, just maybe pulled something. But then the thoughts come flooding into your head, especially when you can't sleep because your back hurts (and because SoCal is in a 100+ temp heat wave, and you have no a/c) and you just think again and again about how dumb you were to pick it up and don't you know better?

But I feel better today, or at least right now. It is just one hell of a process.

Another thing that is freaky is that this week is coming up on my year anniversary on how my back just died. I tried to drive to work one day and couldn't. (Debilitating sciatica.) Then a couple of days later, I couldn't walk for about a day or so. I will never forget having to claw at the wall to try to get to the bathroom. Quite humbling and life-changing stuff.

But again overall I know I am doing great, and better than so many others, and for that I am grateful. It's just a strange thing, this back stuff.

Progress Report: Week 33

Well, my 9 month surgery anniversary just passed this week and I didn't even think of it until now. That is probably a good sign.

Things are going well. Not too different than before really. Overall feeling pretty good. Started having some mild sciatica behind my knee, and some lower back pain, this week but nothing too bad. Taken advil a few times. It seems to be getting better. I might be less numb in my little toe. It's hard to tell.

Continuing to walk and swim a few times a week. I know I keep saying this, but I can't get over how much swimming seems to help. Plus, it's fun too. Hope I can continue through the winter!

Progress Report: Week 31

I am ending my seventh month post-surgery. Overall much less pain. I am still working on becoming more active and I can't stress it enough -- whenever I start to have back pain, if I walk or swim for 30 mins or more, it improves significantly. All I can guess is that it has to do with getting blood into the lower back and to the disc.

One sort of minor thing that is sort of minorly concerning me is that my foot/toe seems to be slightly number than they were say, 6 weeks ago. I am guessing this is nerve damage, but I guess time will tell. I can feel it along the outer edge of my baby toe, and on the sole of my foot a little along the edge and then this strange numb pocket almost in the center of my foot. I am wondering if scar tissue is compressing the nerve, but I don't have any other symptoms so maybe it's just nerve damage. We'll see.

Still having pain when sleeping but I think that is my mattress because I feel fine at work. Suffered a little flare-up this past week but it's getting better. I didn't do anything that I know of, but work has been very stressful and I've been chained to my desk. So that is not helping.

I would like to have child(ren) in the next couple of years. Sometimes I worry that my back problems are going to either keep it from happening or make it very painful. I have read online accounts that plenty of women have the surgery and go on to have normal pregnancies. But then you have to lift your child for what, the next 7 years of their lives? I am just wondering how all of that is going to play out. This is another reason I'm working so hard to lose weight. Still swimming, although not nearly as much as I want to, to strengthen my back. Can't recommend that enough, and it's something I never would have imagined myself doing.

But overall the results are still positive. I am still glad I had the surgery. I still feel I am doing SO much better. I know I am doing better already than many who go through this. I just want to be totally "normal" again. I have to remember that I'm well on my way.

Progress Report: Week 28

It's my seven-month anniversary today. Still feeling pretty good, overall. Still numb in my foot, maybe slightly more numb lately, but not dead-numb. I have been walking and swimming and it helps. As soon as I slack off the back pain returns. Pulled my back slightly trying to vacuum under the bed--something I haven't been able to do since surgery. You don't even want to know what was under there. Scary stuff.

Some pain still when I wake up but I still suspect the bed. Also still whenever I do something, like vacuum, my toe/foot edge goes numb. I suspect it's scar tissue or something compressing the nerve. It might always be that way. I guess it's my body's way of saying, "Cool it!" We'll see how that is by January 2010.

So overall things are good. People think I am totally well though and am pain-free. If only. I am doing everything I can for that day to come, though. I have heard that for every 10 lbs you lose, it's 40 lbs of pressure off of your knees. So what is it like for your back? It has to help. So that is my main goal this month, to some weight. I'd like to try pilates too but I don't feel I'm ready for anything like that. Yet.

Progress Report: Week 26

Doing pretty good. My foot and toe are still numb, though not that "dead numb" -- just sorta numb. Hope this isn't nerve damage, but the surgeon said it could take a year to clear up. Halfway there.

Still amazed by how much walking will help when I am feeling sorta sore and achy. Last night I went swimming at the gym for the first time since I was a child. It was great! At first I felt the tiniest pain in my lower back, but I think it was just getting stretched out because after just a few minutes I felt no back pain. Swam for a good 45-50 minutes (the longevity was helped along by the fact that SoCal is having a heatwave) and iced it when I came home, just in case. So far I feel fine. I usually don't get sore til 24+ hours after exercise though, so we'll see. Still I am very hopeful and couldn't believe how great swimming was. I got my heart pumping and there was none of that pressure/pain I get in my knees, shins, lower back, etc. when doing aerobics or elliptical (which I haven't done since last Sept. due to the back.) Of course I have always heard and read about the wonders of swimming but it was something else to experience it first-hand. It really was a great experience. I can't wait to do it again.

Only pain issues I'm really having right now are when I wake up. That might very well be the bed/mattress. I still have to sleep on my back with a pillow under my legs (but I get to use my new wedge pillow!) and it hurts my back to lay on either side for now. Not sure why that is.

Also eating healthy and losing weight (joined WW) and really serious about making some life changes so that when I am healed, I stay that way and don't end up reinjured down the road.

Happy 6 Mo. Anniversary to Me!

I made it! Six months since my surgery. Wow what a difference. I still have aches and pains. I still have an on-again-off-again numb toe. Today I have been having some sorta burning zapping along the bottom of my "bad" foot. But I am healing very quickly and think I am doing great for just six months out. Time and time again I find that whenever my sciatica and back pain start up, a brisk 30 minute walk does wonders. I'm not taking Advil hardly at all -- maybe four a week -- and nothing else. I know I am lucky to not have to. I am working on losing weight and plan to start swimming at the gym, both to help my back. It is very exciting to realize how far I've come both since surgery (6 months) and since my injury began (1 year). It just takes a while. Slow and steady.

My Airline Travel Tips

I just went on a trip and had to fly. Those of use with bad backs know this can be torture. I wanted to share what I've learned this past year.

• Pack light. Really light. Don't even attempt to bring a big rolling carry-on onto the plane. Everyone's doing that to try to save the $15 fee. Don't try it. Just check your bag(s), your back will thank you for it. You don't want to hurt your back right out of the gate, you have a long day ahead of you. As far as the carry-on, I have a big bag that I put my purse and camera and magazines in. I used to pack this full of stuff that didn't fit in my suitcase, or that might break. Over the years, I've brought coconuts back in this thing, glass jars filled with food, even a DVD player. Talk about heavy! Take my advice and don't try that. Keep it light. If you use a carry-on (or purse), try to carry it by handles and not over your shoulder.
  
• Use curb-side check in, if available (some airports seem to be cutting this out). Again, it's worth the nominal fee. Usually you can just get out of your car or taxi, roll your suitcase up to the curb, check in and leave the suitcase (this past time they had me roll it to security, though). Another reason this is good is that when I've checked in at the desk, some airlines have you lift your suitcase up onto a scale, then back off, then roll it over to security. This is hard for those of us with hurt backs. The past few times, I explained to the people behind the desk that I was about to/just had/etc. back surgery and was surprised that they lifted it up for me. I expected to get chewed out (especially these days -- flying is so brutal!) but they did help two different times, so ask for it if you need it.
• Take a pillow for lumbar support. I gotta be honest, I haven't quite figured this one out. I have tried taking pillows but no matter how small they look, they feel too big in the airline seat. What I have done in the interim is to throw the pillow I brought under my seat and wad up my jacket and shove it behind my back. It helps.
• Try to schedule time between connecting flights. Trust me, trying to run across the airport is not easy when you have a bad back. Take your time. Maybe even hitch a ride on the little cart things if you can.
  
• Take heat packs in your carry-on. They have ones that are specifically for your back. I admit I didn't have to use these this time. But last year every time I flew I brought these along. Now I am personally a bigger fan of icing my back, but when you can't use ice, these help. They relaxed my back (but also made me sweat in summer!) but it was a welcome relief.
• Have any meds you need in your carry-on. You don't want to be caught without your meds when you might need them. My Flexaril was by my side last year while traveling.
• Wear good shoes. I wear big white aerobic tennis shoes. It makes a difference.
  

Progress Report: Week 24

Last week I went to a grocery store where they crammed everything into one large paper bag. I didn't think about how heavy it might be when I lifted it and strained my back. Nothing too bad or too major, but I felt it for several days, and knew I messed up the moment I did it. I was so mad at myself! Did a lot of icing and started taking some advil again to help with the swelling. It got better.

Then, this weekend, I flew across the country, a connecting flight so basically two flights in one day, about 6 or so hours in the air. My past airline trips over the past 12 months were NOT easy. At all. So I was apprehensive. But it wasn't so bad this time. Booking it across the airport, trying to make it to my connecting flight after a late arrival -- last time, pre-surgery, was bad. Real bad. You try limping while holding a purse and carry-on bag! This time, that part was a breeze. (I also packed incredibly light. Maybe too light!) The sitting in the plane seats was still not comfortable, still. Yet I wasn't about to cry this time, and I wasn't taking muscle relaxers (I might should have though!).

The second flight was the worst. It was on a little expressjet. I am tall, and can barely stand up in those planes there are so small. My seat was on the right side, where there is just a row of single seats. Awesome, right? Well, no. The walls beside those seats curve on the bottom (and top), so you can't sit with your legs right in front of you. It is like sititng beside a wheel well or something, you have to twist slightly (does any of this make sense?) To make a long story short, it wasn't so comfortable and I woke up hurting. I've used a ton of ice. This morning I woke up very stiff and in some pain so I walked about 1.5 miles briskly, and not only did it get my heart rate up, but I swear it made my pain subside considerably. In comparison: I took 6 advil over the course of yesterday. I have taken none today. So whatever walking is doing (getting the blood to flow to the lower back?) is helping.

Progress Report: Week 23

I had more discomfort and pain this past week, for what I believe were two main reasons. First, I swore off Advil this week. I had been taking it pretty much daily for 5 1/2 months and realized that this might not be the healthiest thing for me, with the side effects of prolonged use and whatnot. So I went cold turkey. And that meant more pain. Usually not too bad, but waking up I'd hurt in my back and have some sciatica issues, a 3-4 on the pain scale I guess. But I also realized that I was not doing my after-work walking consistently. So for the past week or so, I've been walking 1.5 miles/30 minutes around the block every other day. I plan to work up to longer walks, daily. I'm pushing myself a little and walking as briskly as I can, going up hills, etc. It is getting my heart rate up and making me sweat, which is so nice after 10 months of no exercise. I am so out of shape that this walking is totally enough of a workout at this point! (And, I no longer limp when I get tired, which is a huge accomplishment!) But the most exciting part of this is that my pain has diminished tremendously. I think I am adjusting to the no-Advil too. So this is all very exciting. So remember to walk!

What it Was Like, Post-Surgery

After spending those three days in the hospital, I returned home. Here’s where the fun part starts—at least in the hospital people are there to help you. Now the true test would begin. Here are some things that helped me through those first couple of weeks after surgery.

ESSENTIALS:

• A grabber to pick things up off the floor. You will not be able to bend for several weeks after surgery, and these things are a lifesaver. You can find them at chain stores and somesome drugstores.
• Slip-on shoes. I went to far as to buy a black leather tennis/work shoe hybrid before surgery. These could function as tennis shoes but looked nicer, so I could wear them to work even after surgery. I wasn't sure how long it'd be before I could tie shoes again! I also wore crocs (don't judge me!) and did my daily walking in those.
• Some soft loungewear/activewear. It was winter, so I got some soft velour and fleece warm-up suits because I knew I wouldn't be able to wrestle with a pair of jeans. These felt like pajamas, but the matching jacket could fool any neighbors who saw me doing my daily walks and make it look as if I had not been in bed all day.
• Baby wipes. I didn't take a shower for a week. It was just too hard to try to saran-wrap, plus my bathroom has a large old tub with feet. It's a huge old tub in a tiny old apartment. The sides of this tub hit me mid-thigh, I have to step waay up over that to get in. (I used a stool to get up and in after surgery.) Needless to say, my baths were sparse for the first month after surgery. Baby wipes helped with the "instant bird-bath" idea.
• Dry shampoo. You can usually find this in drug stores. See the above as to why I needed it. It was essential!
• A bath scrubber with a handle. When I finally was able to take baths, this came in handy and I just recently retired mine. It keeps you from twisting to bathe your back or the back of your legs.
• A toilet seat riser. I didn’t expect to need this, but after surgery I felt I needed one so I got one on the way home from the hospital. These aren’t cheap but I felt it was worth it for me and my bathroom setup. I was very pleased with it. The handles helped and the extra height kept me from having to bend down as far to sit. I think it is worth the investment, even if it does make your home look a little nursing home-like.
• Putting things in low places beforehand. A few days before surgery, I took a quick visual inventory of my bathroom, kitchen and bedroom, and placed things on counters and places that I could reach without bending. I put clothes out on top of my dresser, and toiletries on shelves waist-high. I even rearranged some food in the pantry and in the fridge so that I wouldn’t have to bend or twist.
• Pillows, pillows, blankets and more pillows. While I couldn’t rest my head on a pillow for a good week after surgery, I put one or two up under my knees and thighs and it took the pressure off of my lower spine. I later used them to prop up various parts of me in various positions, to watch TV or to eat.
• A TV/breakfast tray. A TV tray with legs might have been easier but the one I had had the little short legs. It was very helpful. Mealtimes were tough for a few weeks after surgery because it was so hard to get the setup right or to get comfortable. Again, I live in a very small apartment so there is no dining room table and I ate sitting up on the side of the bed before I graduated to a chair. I also would put books, magazines, pens etc. and this was my “desk” in bed as well.
• Things to read. Because you can only stare at the bedroom ceiling for so long.
  

NOT-AS-ESSENTIAL, BUT SO NICE TO HAVE:

• A laptop computer. I borrowed one from my brother and laid on my back with this resting on my chest. It kept me entertained and in touch with the world. I actually made myself two books, one on shutterfly and one on blurb, while laying on my back recovering from surgery. It was highly entertaining and kept me busy.
• Netflix. I treated myself to a subscription to Netflix and have been quite happy with it.
• A Nintendo DS. I already had this, and it lying flat on your back is a great time to use it.
• Cable TV. To alleviate the boredom.
• A Siamese-mix cat. Because they make the best nurses.
  

Little things were hard. I couldn’t feed the cat or clean her litterbox. Certainly no cleaning of my own. I am glad I had my boyfriend coming over every day to help me out, I have to be honest, it would have been very hard to do this alone. Luckily I got better quickly, and each day was an improvement. I also was on the walking regime that they give every microdiscectomy patient, walking several times a day around my neighborhood. At first this idea of walking so much seemed crazy — I was recovering from surgery, for goodness sake! — but it really did make a huge difference. I could feel awful and achy, walk for 20 minutes, and come back feeling so much better. I kept an excel chart too of how long I went each walk and each day, to make sure I was doing what I needed to be doing. By the end of my initial pre-work recovery period (6 or 7 weeks) I was up to 2-3 miles/day. I waited 7 weeks to return to work, and honestly don’t know how people return after a month or less. Sitting and driving were not easy for me and I was so afraid of returning to work after 7 weeks. Luckily, everything worked out OK!

Progress Report: Week 22

This weekend marked my five-month surgery anniversary. Wow! I am actually looking forward to July's anniversary date, since it will be six months. I am not sure why. Perhaps because when things were rough, I'd tell myself, "Things will be different in six months. It'll be summer. I'll be back at work. I'll probably have lost 30 lbs. It'll be great!" Well, maybe that's not all 100% true, but things are going pretty good overall. I'm noticing that my toe and side of foot is barely numb most of the time, and I can very briefly go up on my toes on my "bad" side. I don't feel quite as gnarled and tight on my left side. I've had some pain though lately that reminds me that I did have surgery 22 weeks ago. The other morning my back was hurting when I woke up. It was the first time I had realized that while the pain is substantially better than it was -- substantially! -- there still is not a day where I am 100% pain-free. There is barely a day when I don't take Advil. And then add in the pain before and that puts me at about 12 months where I didn't feel some pain every day. But -- and this but is important -- the pain is so much less than it used to be. I'm talking a 1 or 2 here. Sometimes I still have sciatica issues. In the evenings after work and after cooking dinner it can hurt. After I cleaned the bathroom it hurt pretty good. But then I lie down, ice it, and the next morning I am pretty much fine. I think that is progress! So overall I am optimistic that I will eventually be OK.

Things I Used to Try to Heal My Back

I tried many things to heal my back and avoid surgery. Many were helpful, but just couldn't heal a 15mm herniation. Some were helpful after surgery, too.

• Turmeric. This stuff is in Indian food and is supposed to be good for inflammation. Continued this until a month or so after surgery. Verdict: Might Have Worked
• Fish Oil. Also good for inflammation and safe. Cheaper ones taste a little fishy, so I got some "nice" ones from Whole Foods. Cost way too much. Verdict: Might Have Worked
• Advil. My drug of choice to this day. Chose it due to the anti-inflammation properties. Verdict: Worked
• Anti-Inflammatory Diet. Obviously I was hitting on a common theme here -- anti-inflammation. I did feel a little better when I ate this way. I have also read anecdotal accounts online that when certain people eat junk and fast food, it makes their pain worse. I think that is true with me, even now. Verdict: Might Have Worked
• Prescription Pain Killers. In those worst days, they gave me what I think was vicodin and ibuprofen to keep me from pulling my hair out. I took it maybe two weeks, probably less. I just hated the pain killers. I felt like I was being poisoned. Plus there are an array of nasty side effects like extreme constipation that make it not alluring. What I was surprised to find out was that it just dulled the pain, never took it away. I never felt happy or high or anything either. So why did that guy at the keg parties in college insist that vicodin was a terrific high? I don't get it. Verdict: Didn't Work
  
• Glucosamine. This is the stuff generally marketed to old people for knee pain, etc. It is supposed to help rebuild cartilage. I already had some so thought I'd try it. Verdict: Probably Didn't Work
• Electrical Stimulation. Part of PT. They stuck electrodes all over me and hooked me up to this machine that sent little vibrations to the pads. Didn't seem to help pain. Verdict: Did Not Work
• Ultrasound. Yes, I thought this was just for pregnant ladies too. Put a gooey cold gel on my back and then ran this lightly vibrating wand thing over it. Didn't seem to help pain. Verdict: Did Not Work
• Traction. Eek. See previous post for details. Verdict: Did Not Work, Made Pain Worse
  
• Massage. See last entry. Didn't seem to help pain. Verdict: Did Not Work
• Steroid Epidurals. Had two. Ugh. Verdict: Did Not Work But Gave a Very Slight Reprieve in Pain
  
• Various Stretching Exercises. From the incompetent PT lady. Would probably help in a different situation. Verdict: Did Not Work
• Weight Machine. Also in PT. Not sure this was the best idea to do with a "massively" herniated disc. Verdict: Did Not Work
• Elevating My Legs. To this day I still have not bought a wedge pillow. To this day I still want one. I will get one. In the meantime, I prop my legs up on two pillows. Not as good, but better than nothing, especially in those early days. Takes some of the pressure off of the base of my spine. Verdict: Worked
• Wearing Better Shoes. Early on, I hoped that better shoes would help. I ditched my $10 Target flats with no cushioning and got some better shoes. This coulda helped had it not been herniated. I will continue to wear good shoes from now on, though. Verdict: Helped, But Couldn't Heal It
  
• Cold Therapy/Ice Packs. My favorite thing to do to this day is to ice my back. Seems to be a lot of back-and-forth about heat vs. ice, but when you're going for anti-inflammation, ice wins. Verdict: Works Great
• Heating Pads. Worked when I felt my upper back start to spasm. But overall not my go-to. Also, there is something about not following ice with heat (or vice versa). Stick with one and stay with it, at least for a day. Verdict: Can Help
  
• Asking My Dreams For Help. That kooky doctor suggested I try this -- and I did! Sadly, my subconscious was out frolicing with Lorenzo Lamas (back in the Renegade era) and did not get back to me on this issue. Oddly enough, she was a size 6 in this vision as well. And she could fly. Verdict: Lorenzo Lamas looked better when he was younger
• Swimming with Green Sea Turtles. During all of this mess, I had a nonrefundable ticket to Oahu. I went and limped the entire way. In the meantime, I saw no less than 4 sea turtles, and even came nose-to-nose with one while attempting to snorkel without bending. It was worth all the pain I was feeling! Seeing a sea turtle is supposed to be good luck, and represents healing. Or so the woman at the snorkel shop told me. Verdict: Total Success!

What I Did NOT Try

• Chiropractor. OMG. I can not tell you how many times people told me to "just go to a chiropractor." I am sure they help some people. But I just knew that any manipulation of my already blown-out L5-S1 disc would be catastrophic. It just was not for me. It bothered me that so many people kept telling me to just go to one, as if I was being foolish for not believing that one could heal me. I was even told that a person's chiropractor had cured her toothache by adjusting her back, so surely he could fix this "back pain" problem. (Not to mention my main problems were leg and reflex issues, not just "back pain"!) I am glad I didn't go. Perhaps for smaller herniations, this would work. But not for mine.
• Yoga. Dude. No. I did appreciate all the advice, but this sounded like the second worst possible thing that I could do (after the chiropractor). Again, like the chiropractor, I'm sure it could help some with disc bulges or something less serious. It'd probably be good for me post-surgery. But not good at my most hurt.
  
• Witch Doctor/Voo Doo/Hoo Doo. Only on my "not tried" list because New Orleans is so far away.
  

Progress Report: Week 19

Doing OK this week. 19 weeks! I finished up PT this week. Went about 11 times I think? More than I needed to, but I enjoyed going, the therapist didn't mind and the HMO approved extra sessions so why not? Sad to not continue but I know it's that time. What a difference a facility makes! The last place, before surgery, sucked. Hated the therapist. They were big on massage, electrotherapy and sonograms. Helped a little. But once that herniation started growing (no doubt helped along by their idiotic full-body-weight-on-the-elbow right over the disc massages!) nothing would help. They put me on a rickety traction machine that was frayed and worn -- looked totally like something from the Museum of Death! -- and I had a panic attack. My therapist was busy on the other side of the room, you know, surfing the Web, and the idea of embarrassing myself by yelling out to her more than once somehow helped me keep it together for the full 10 minutes. Ugh that place sucked. She would also give me this horrible massage on the butt (for sciatica, but what she thought was a pulled hamstring/butt muscle pull--I think that is known clinically as buttmusclepullitis) and would pull down my shorts to do it, even after I asked her not to. Why this was particularly embarrassing was because I wasn't in a room, we were in these little bays like in the ER, separated only by a flimsy curtain that you could not only see (and hear) through, but even sometimes see someone's head poking out one end! And often there would be men next to me and it was just humiliating. Now that I think back, I don't know why I didn't raise more hell. I believe I was just tired and so freaking hurt and upset and just kept hoping she knew what she was doing. Sadly, she didn't. On the up side, I'll never let someone make me uncomfortable like that again, and will have a more active role in my health care. Ugh though.

Anyway.... things are OK. Still having some back pain and sciatica but not too bad. Still taking advil daily, but only 2 total a day most of the time. Still screwing around and not doing my stretches, exercises and walking. But I'm working on that, just got back from a nice brisk walk. :)

What Surgery Was Like Pt II

First, read Part I of my microdiscectomy/laminectomy surgery description.

They wheeled me in to the OR. I was pretty scared, I have to admit, and couldn't keep from crying. There was a flurry of activity, with the anesthesiologist, nurses, etc. I looked up from the gurney and remember that the ceiling of the room was painted black. I saw all the lights and people wearing masks standing over me -- it was just like a scene from a movie. Holy crap, I think they were readying themselves to lift me onto the operating table! What if I am awake through all of this?! What if I wake up during it?!

.... And that's all I remember.

I woke myself up moaning. I came to in a huge room filled with beds and other moaners. A bored looking young woman -- was she a teenager? -- was sitting in a chair watching me. I pass back out. I remember being very determined to come back to, because one of the admission staff or nurses or someone had told me that recovery often took several hours, and that if it takes too long, for some reason you don't get a room immediately and have to wait several hours in the recovery room . Or something. I can't really remember. But I know I wanted to wake the hell up and get into a room as fast as possible.

At some point I felt someone pull a curved pipe out of my mouth and throat. What the HELL!? It didn't feel great. They wheeled me into my room -- luckily all the rooms on the orthopedic wing at this hospital are private -- yahoo! It's kind of hazy, but I do remember most of it -- they had an oxygen tube in my nose and some sort of weird things wrapped around my lower legs -- like leg warmers that inflated and deflated continuously. Apparently this was to prevent blood clots. I was hooked up to an IV and it was much more complicated than the one during the epidural. This one had some funky plastic casing and wasn't coming out on it's own, buddy. I have to say, this surgery was much, much more involved and heavy-duty than I expected. I was a little shocked. They make it sound so simple. (I truly can't understand volunteering for surgery now after going through this -- lap bands? New boobs? No thanks!) I also was hooked up to a morphine machine and had a little button that I could click to give myself more morphine.

The nurse told me to not worry about how many times I pushed the button. It was set up so that I couldn't take too much. So push away. And I did. Whenever I started to feel pain, I'd push the button. But I think in my confused state I really didn't know what I was doing too much (although I thought I did -- would love to hear a recording of some those early phone calls I made to my family!) and had plenty of morphine. Too much for me, anyway.

My boyfriend leaves for the night and I fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night to silhouettes of nurses coming in and out of my room, checking on me. At one point someone asks me when the last time I peed was. It had been, I don't know, about 17 or so hours? Uh oh. Apparently that was not good. They tried to get me up to go and when I went to sit up is when I really realized that I had had surgery. I felt as if I had fallen off a roof and landed on my back (or, what I imagine that would feel like.) I was stiff and sore and in pain from my shoulders down past my butt. They pushed a walker with a toilet seat on it over to the bed, but I just couldn't go. Something about two strangers sitting there watching was just a little too much for me. I've always had public bathroom performance anxiety, so they left. But I still couldn't go. The nurse said that in some people, morphine can cause urinary retention. Um, great. Why didn't someone tell me this before? I woulda laid off the morphine. I was so used to being in pain anyway by that point, what's a little more? So they had to give me a catheter. Trust me, it sucked!

Now it was daybreak. Now the sickness was setting in. Apparently, I do not respond well to morphine. It felt like I had the worst flu imaginable -- headache, hot, chills, dizzy, nausea. It was horrible. I was so sick. I was supposed to go home that day, but ended up staying another night and another full day -- three days total. Lord. They gave me codeine in morphine's place. Guess what? They made me start throwing up. It was so awful. By the second night they let me have some chicken broth but I was too sick to eat it.

Around this time, the second night, is where there was a small-to-mediumish earthquake, a 4.5. This was particularly freaky because I had been half-joking saying that it sure would suck for there to be an earthquake while my surgeon was doing his thing. Yikes!

I awoke feeling much better. They let me have jello! Eventually I was able to leave the hospital. The drive home was brutal. Every bump the car went over sent a jolt of pain up my spine. It was very upsetting, but I made it home.

I would not leave my apartment or shower for a week. After which I would not leave my apartment (except for my daily walking regime around the block) for about a month. Luckily, I had a little siamese-mix cat as my nurse. She kept a constant bedside vigil during those weeks. I could not sit and couldn't use a pillow to sleep on.

I took some of the Darvocet they gave me, and either it or the steroid pack made me break out in hives on my face. I came home from the hospital Friday night. By Sunday I had quit taking all painkillers -- "F this!" were my exact words. It just wasn't worth the sickness. I pulled out my drug of choice, advil, and just took a shitload. It worked. I haven't taken any painkillers since.

Gosh, I've come a long way!

Progress Report: Week 18 & Milestones

Well, I just hit the four month mark. I've been back at work for about 2.5 months. I am doing pretty good. Really good when I realize it's only been four months! I still have flare-ups of back pain and sciatica, and have been having some lately, but they are no where near the intensity of the earlier ones. I am no longer obsessing over reherniating my back. I have also slipped back into some bad habits, like not doing my 1 mile walk after work and slouching at my desk at work and crossing my legs when I sit. I promise myself to work on that.

Went to the surgeon last week, for the first time since January. He had me bend over and do a few push tests and determined that I was just fine (or will be). He told me that if I ever have problems in the future, to give him a call. The end. No more appointments. Wow! It's that simple? I'm not complaining by any means, but it was just sorta surprising. But he's right, I am getting better. I am also wrapping up PT next week, been about 10 times. Love it and love my therapist! Such a difference from the old facility. I love going, and work has to let me go, so it's a nice break in the middle of the day. My therapist is very encouraging, and that goes a long way. I never thought about it before, but just hearing that I'm doing great from him really helps.

Also, my foot/baby toe numbness is slowly going away. It is almost not numb at times! It has been numb for about 9 months. The surgeon told me give it a full 12 months. When I do certain things, like sweep the kitchen or clean the cat's litterbox, my toe will suddenly go numb. The surgeon said it's likely scar tissue plus the nerve itself, since it's still not healed. (Nerves heal at a rate of fractions of an inch per month -- that's slow!) I wonder if that will always be like that. Time will tell.

I also reached a very important personal milestone (no, not my 36th birthday a few days ago!) -- I can sorta go up on my toes on my "bad" side. I can't hold my weight very long, but I actually can push up onto my toes on that side, albeit briefly. It really is a miracle! You don't realize how much that little reflex, whatever it is called, is involved in. You can't really run, or when I squat down to look at something, say on the bottom shelf at a store, I can't keep my balance (still can't). It's all very strange. But exciting to be seeing changes, finally!

Progress Report: Week 14

Doing pretty good the past few weeks, but I suspect that is because I'm not really walking much after work. That is not good. But it means the sciatica is gone. But I don't want any scar tissue weirdness etc so I gotta get that going again.

However, after a trip to the roller derby last weekend, having some minor pain again. Who knew there wouldn't be SEATS at the roller derby!? I had to stand up for four hours. I did pretty good, considering. But surgery was just three months ago. So I've paid for it a little bit, but not as bad as a month ago when I got too carried away shopping and thought I'd reherniated. So that's good.

What Surgery Was Like Pt I

One of the things that I was the most curious about was: What Would Surgery Be Like for Me? I googled to no end, but it wasn't so soothing. There are too many horror stories online. Here's my experience.

First of all, I had been told this would be an outpatient procedure. The week before the surgery, I found out I'd probably spend one night in the hospital. OK.

A few weeks before, I had to get some chest x-rays, blood and urine work done. I think that this is when it really started to hit me that I was having this thing called "surgery" -- you know, that old or weak or sickly people have. Not me at 35. After giving blood a few weeks pre-surgery, I started to feel like I was about to have a panic attack.... The weeks prior (I waited out the Christmas break) were very stressful. I gained weight, got lots of well-intentioned yet not helpful "advice" from people. Probably the worst experience was when I went to a new physician in my primary care's office to get my EKG and various bloodwork. He was young and pretty "new agey" and wanted to know WHY I was having surgery. This type of surgery was a big deal, he said, had I tried other solutions? No dumbass, I woke up with a backache and decided to have a laminectomy/microdiscectomy. It was sorta insulting. But I was so upset and stressed by this point that I just started bawling. That was the indicator he needed, I suspect, to assume I was not sold on this surgery thing (not to mention perhaps not a good candidate for it -- I seemed like an emotional wreck!) He asked me if I had ever consulted my dreams about my back and advice as to what I should do. "Be sure to ask them to deliver the answer to you in a clear way that you'll understand," he added.

My dreams said, "What took you so long? You shoulda had this surgery 5 months ago!"

Two weeks before surgery, I had to quit taking Advil (my go-to painkiller through all of this, although I'll discuss my thoughts on prescription meds at a later date), because it thins your blood. I also quit with my fish oil and turmeric which I had been taking for inflammation, since those also thin your blood. Perhaps any anti-inflammatory thins your blood. Regardless, I wanted my blood to be thick 'n juicy during my surgery!

I packed a big bag with house shoes, a robe, toiletries--which I did NOT need--and that morning, my boyfriend took me to the hospital. My surgery was scheduled for late afternoon. I think I got there about 6 hours early. Yikes!

I went to a lot of different offices and filled out a lot of paperwork. People asked me if I wanted to donate my organs. I know no one had probably ever died from a microdiscectomy, but...holy crap! Not trying to be overdramatic but damn, this was really heavy stuff!

Ended up in a "waiting bay" type of area. Put on my hospital gown and socks. Got my IV put in. Sat in that room for maybe 3 hours, watching a Dog Whisperer marathon. So happy that my boyfriend was able to stay there with me.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

What's that? Oh, my surgeon is running behind. He is very thorough, I keep being told. A typical 45 min operation takes him 1.5 hours. That's cool. Still, I'm waiting. I play Mystery Case Files on my Nintendo DS. My boyfriend horses around with the box of gloves bolted to the wall. Time inches by.

Suddenly, the room is aflurry with activity. The anestheologist comes in. He looks like Ed Begley Jr. What am I allergic to? Well, all the women in my family complain about codeine. But that's not me. So, whatever!

I think it was around now that I just started crying. I was so scared. No one had ever died from a microdiscectomy....right?

Progress Report: Week 12

I'm happy to report that this week was much better than last. Hardly any sciatica, and not as much icing the back to kill the pain. And I'm down to only 2 Advil a day! Of course a lot of this is due to the fact that I'm not walking around the block after work. I should be. So next week I'll start that back up. Still going to physical therapy and they make me feel so great there, and like I'm improving. Of course I am the youngest one in the gym room at that time by a good 50-60 years so I guess I shouldn't get too cocky.

I'm just glad the pain isn't as bad -- I was fearing reherniation last week, and this week is great. Yay for no walking!

Progress Report: Week 11

This week has been a hard one. I have had pretty bad low back pain; I'd say a 7-8 sometimes. It has been very frightening. I am feeling better today, but it's been hurting pretty bad since Saturday night. Of course all week I feared reherniation, but now I think I just overdid it last weekend. I spent hours out Saturday walking around, shopping, etc., and I think it was just too much for me. Then I ended up sitting in my car for 3 hours waiting for a tow-truck when I can usually only sit for about 30 minutes before the discomfort sets in. Then I ended up sitting at work for two 10 hour days in a row, and I think it was just a perfect storm. It just scared me that the pain was right over the disc, right under the surgery scar. But no new leg pain or weirdness, so I'm hoping that means all is A-OK. I hate that ever since this surgery, I constantly fear any new pain or twinge as a "possible reherniation." My surgeon told me he'd only seen one reherniation after thousands of microdiscectomies. Online I've read the figure to be as large as 20%. I would think that after such a large herniation, I wouldn't have that much disc to reherniate. Which could lead to a whole host of future problems but I am trying to not get too far ahead of myself. Still can not go up on my toes on my bad leg but had a breakthrough -- when up on my toes on that leg, I can hold my weight for a nanosecond. Until recently the foot would just immediately collapse. That is good I think. And the numbness gets slightly better each week. I am only slightly numb in my baby toe and along the side of my foot now. There was a time where I could step on something and not even feel it or know it, so this is good news.

Necessary Evil: Steroid Epidurals

After we realized how badly herniated my back was, the first thing suggested was that I have a steroid epidural. The hope is that these will reduce the inflammation in the back and sciatic nerve, therefore eliminating or reducing the pain and nerve issues like tingling and numbness. So hopefully if I had one (or two) of these, I wouldn't need surgery.

It is amazing to me how many of these things they dole out. (Watch a video of one here.) Mine was administered at a "surgery center," which was just a doctor's office where they wore scrubs. I was surprised they could do that there. This surgery center was next door to the awful rehab place that I went to, and was run just as horribly and with just as uninterested staff.

First of all, you can't eat or drink for many hours beforehand, presumably so that you won't barf everywhere. They told me no food or water after midnight, and my appointment was at 2 p.m. the next day. I made it to the appointment, and the waiting room was overcrowded, standing room only ... this didn't look good. Turns out they were "running late" ... 3.5 hours late. I didn't get my epidural until almost 6 p.m. I was starving! The nurses were in such a hurry that I immediately felt panicked about my care there. It didn't help that when I was called, a nurse in scrubs threw me a gown with a "here, hurry!" Oh great. This was going to be but another wonderful experience with these people.

I put on a gown, socks and a hairnet. It felt very strange for someone who had never had any medical problems, ever, and was a little scary. I felt like I was in a Lifetime movie--As the Epidural Turns. Sadly, my nurse didn't have time to deal with things like comforting me. I sat on a wheeled gurney and they quickly jammed a needle into my arm, with a "sedative." I was never knocked out for my epidural, in fact, I didn't really feel too different, just a little more relaxed. But I was awake and aware of everything, even if random things did start seeming funnier than usual. I met the guy who would be my doctor for the procedure. I think they crank these things out all day, to the tune of nearly $10K per injection. Nice.

When it was time they wheeled me into this room with a big operating table, huge screens and lights. I rolled onto the table onto my stomach, as they compared my MRI to what they saw on the x-ray screen. "My god," one of the doctors said loudly. "Look how big this herniation is! Can you even sit down? How do you work?" They had put a towel over my head by this point and strapped down my arms. "I can't work!" I said through the terrycloth. "What?" the doctor asked. "What did she say?" "I said, I can't work!" "What did she say?" "She says she's not working, doctor." "Oh."

While the pain was not excruciating, I was surprised that my back wasn't that deadened. I felt it, buddy. There was definitely discomfort, but compared to the pain I'd been feeling, it was bearable. What they do is put a small hollow needle down into the spine, between the discs (called the "epidural space") and then insert the injection needle into that. Dye injected in helps them see the herniation and they do the procedure with the aid of an x-ray. This first one was just inserted into my back right over the disc. It was surprisingly quick, less than five minutes. Then wheeled off to "recovery" for 30 minutes, which was annoying because I didn't feel I needed to "recover" for 30 minutes. I walked out and went and got dinner. Overall I felt fine, somewhat dull achy and sore in my lower back the rest of the night.

It took 4 to 5 weeks before I felt any significant relief from the pain and sciatica, which was disappointing. So about 4 weeks later I got a second one. This one was a caudal epidural, basically into the tail bone. This one hurt! But like I've said, at this point it didn't even matter how much these things hurt, I was already in so much pain there wasn't much else they could do to me it seemed. Again, not the miracle cure that I had hoped for, although from what I understand they do wonders to some with lesser herniations.

I knew that it is suggested that you only have three of these a year, but didn't hear too much about why. There are definitely side effects. I felt that these steroids messed my body up for a good three or so months. My periods went haywire almost immediately and stayed that way for months. I suppose there was a hormonal issue going on because I would get nauseated often and without warning. I started carrying ginger candy in my purse to help. My face was flushed for weeks.

The only good news is that I realized that epidurals are not really that big of a deal. No, they don't feel great, but they're nothing to fear (like I'd heard) either. They work for some people, just not me.

Progress Report: Week 10

Well, this week has been better pain-wise. I've made two changes this week. I began a healthier diet, eliminating most processed foods and upping the veggies tenfold. Not only to lose weight, which of course will help my healing and hopefully keep future problems at bay, but I've also read that some people believe that diet can affect back (and chronic) pain. When they eat worse (more junk food, processed foods, etc.) they have more pain. I have noticed my pain has lessened significantly. But also, and perhaps more importantly, I have knocked down my walking. I feel guilty and like I should be doing more. But I am working full-time and walking a ton around the campus there. The mile I was putting in around my hilly neighborhood seemed to be agitating my sciatica so I'm trying to not do that every day. You hear from the doctor that you should be up to 4-5 miles within weeks after surgery but I just don't see how that is possible for me. I will still try.

My Herniated Disc Experience

I had been having lower back pain for a while, on and off for about 3 years, ever since I hurt it while moving a heavy table at my job. You know, moving heavy furniture, what every communications employee is required to do, right? But that is another story. Back to my back.

The year 2008 was going to be IT -- the year I finally got into shape. I joined a gym, was going to a personal trainer, was working out with weights and going to aerobics several times a week. I started having a weird sensation occasionally along the back of my left hamstring -- the time I really remember noticing it the most was while reaching up to turn on a light in my boyfriend's apartment in April. It was this weird sensation, like a painful jolt running down the back of my leg. But it went away and I forgot about it. I'd sometimes feel it in aerobics class but after warming up it seemed to go away, so I figured it was a pulled hamstring or something. Come early June, I started having lower back pain, which luckily coincided with a vacation week home to visit family. I was in bed on a heating pad or ice most of that week and my back got somewhat better.

I went to my primary care doctor when I returned and told her about the back and the hamstring thing. She prescribed me vicodin and referred me to a physical therapy group. It was probably just a pulled muscle or something similar in my back.

Today I know that I should have pressed for x-rays, but I didn't know that then. But come on -- how is a physical therapist supposed to treat me for an undiagnosed ailment? Impossible, right?

Yes. Very much so. I continued with physical therapy for three months. The therapist was unconcerned about this jolt down the back of my thigh -- pulled hamstring, she said. And the back pain? Just a pulled back. They'd use ultrasound, electrostimulation and weight machines, but to no avail. My favorite technique was when she would put her elbow right over the L5-S1 and press in with her entire body's weight -- you know to "massage" that pulled muscle.

My left foot started going numb. My baby toe was staying numb 24/7. Oh that's OK, she said, it is just the pulled hamstring. Must be a nerve in there somewhere.

There was a nerve in there alright. My sciatic nerve, which was obviously irritated and should have at least prompted a "call your doctor" from her rather than another elbow massage. Idiot me went with it -- little did I realize that these were the hallmarks of a classic case of herniated disc.

Come September, I started having problems at work and during the day with my back. When I'd stand up after being seated, or get out of my car, it was as if I had to wait for a minute before I could straighten up. My foot was numb constantly by now. I started having this weird pain in and below my butt on the left side. Hamstring, right?

I went back to my primary care. Things aren't right here, I told her. She sent me for an x-ray and a referral to an orthopaedic. Of course they couldn't work me in for an appointment for several weeks.

My disc decided it didn't want to wait that long. One day I got ready for work and began the drive in. I got about a mile down the road before the pain from sitting was excruciating. It seemed to come out of nowhere, but of course now as I look back I can see how it had been steadily progressing.

The new doctor did the straight leg and push off test. I hadn't realized that I could no longer go up on my toes on my left side. Probably a bulging disc, she said, and put in for an MRI referral, which would take a full week thanks to my HMO Plan From Hell.

My pain got worse and worse. I could only stay in bed. I was off work for a week. Months earlier, I had caught two guys breaking into my car in the middle of the night, parked on the street in front of my apartment. One night while waiting for my MRI, I thought I heard people breaking into my car again. I was still asleep and not remembering that I was hurt, and I jumped up and ran to the window. Luckily, no one was breaking into my car. Unluckily, the jolt to my back was the final nail in my herniated disc's little herniated coffin.

When I woke up I couldn't walk. I could barely stand. I'd pull myself up by holding on to the dresser next to my bed, and would claw my way to the bathroom holding on to the wall. It was horrible, and very scary. When I'd stand up, it was the strangest feeling, hard to explain -- it was like I could not move my leg, but I'd tell my leg, "MOVE!" and then after a delay it'd move. It was the strangest thing I'd ever experienced.

All I knew was, this was bad. Very bad.

By this point I was ready to go to the hospital. At least three times over the long week I had to wait before I could get an MRI, I had put my shoes on and gotten my purse and was about to get my boyfriend to take me to the ER. What kept me from going was the fact that I couldn't sit to sit in the waiting room for 12 hours, but also the fact that I knew there was nothing they could do. They'd prescribe me painkillers (a future topic: the sheer volume of painkillers they give you) and send me home to wait there for a week. Personally I think it's disgraceful that I had to wait weeks at a time to get to the doctors, x-rays, MRIs -- but that is another story alltogether about the evilness of HMOs.

Finally I got my MRI. Turns out my L5-S1 disc had a "massive" herniation ("pulled back" or "disc bulge" my ass!) They told me that a large herniation was one that was 9 to 10 mm. Mine was 15 mm.

So now what? I didn't need surgery. Only whiny wimps do that. I was going to heal my back myself. Through nutrition and alternative therapies. Hell, throw a couple of steroid epidurals in there too while you're at it. I guess you know how that went by the title of this blog.

Progress Report: Week 9

This started my third week back at the office. Not bad. I have noticed that I am already backsliding into slouching at my desk and not getting up to walk around as much as I should. I have a little Outlook reminder pop up every half hour reminding me to GET UP.

Last week I started physical therapy and got a little too gung ho and upped my walking. As a result I've had sciatic pain in my left leg and under my butt as well as some pain in the lower right of my back (my good side). I've also had some new back pain which has moved up above my lower back.

I have to say though that none of this pain is major, somewhere between a 3 and 4, and it comes and goes. I am also very tight in my lower back, calves and hamstrings, especially on the left side. I suspect this might have to do with upping my walking mileage. I have added nearly a mile a day in the last week and I'm sure that didn't help things. I was up to a little over 2 miles/day at 7 weeks, but then returned to work and only walked about a mile around campus and nothing at home for a week and a half. Then last week I added this extra walking and as a result have had a little more pain. I ice my back every evening when I come home and hopefully that is helping.

Welcome

When I was deciding whether or not to undergo a microdiscectomy/laminectomy, I googled a lot. Much of the material I found was clinical and a little boring, and the personal accounts weren't the most helpful. Either they blogged a little about their surgery then never updated (Did the operation kill them? Did they ever recover?) or they went online to complain about how it didn't work. I wanted the facts of course, but surely a surgery with such a high success rate couldn't have just bad outcomes. Right?

This is why I decided to start this blog -- to document my recovery after my surgery for myself, as well as to provide some new material for those googling the procedure. I anticipate my story to be a very positive one.